Zombie

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize almost everything they ever believed about themselves and the world around them is completely wrong. Well, maybe something that catastrophic doesn't happen to most people, but a watered-down version of this impasse has happened to me. I wonder sometimes if I have a honest perception of myself, and not a false, wishful idea of who I truly am. Am I really confident, smart, and talented? What do other people really believe? My friend told me about this philosophical invention of "zombies." Zombies are individuals who think they are human but really are not. They are made to appear human to others, so other humans couldn't spot a zombie.

Now, I for one regard the more ridiculous philosophical notions as complete wasters of ALL TIME, however, it can allude to a more conventional framework such as college life. I attend a high-ish ranking school with other bright students. So, this makes me believe that I am at least competent enough to participate in a classroom with these other students. Hypothetically speaking, if I wasn't performing above the "C" level, I am not above average in this school, but I am at least above average in the nation because I attend a high performing school, right?

People see names and labels more than they see actual performance. I've known people who were able to accumulate academic accolades in the form of trophies and memberships in exclusive "societies" but have ended up either pregnant or out of school. School is the easy part. Living is hard. It is especially difficult if you've been told most of your life you're smart, or you're confident, or really talented when, in the end, you've had yourself and those around you fooled.

In the philosophical scenario, one cannot realize they are a zombie, but in reality, one can realize when they have a completely contrived perception of themselves. If you are not talented, and you believe you are talented, then you are not talented. It is all basic logic, and people force themselves to believe they have certain abilities when they actually don't. If I've told myself since high school I want to be a film maker, then I want to be a film maker. If I don't have the talent to be a film maker, then I can still be a film maker. So, I will be a film maker. This can be applied to all sorts of self-perceptions. If you believe it, then it is true to you, but it is not necessarily true. You could have all of your friends, family, and even professionals telling you that you are proficient at something when you're really not truthfully. When do we stop to realize that the world we've created for ourselves is a zombie world?

It could come about spontaneously. People around you may stop complimenting you, but this may not be sufficient enough if one is stuck in this ideal. It could come from intense self-reflection. In any case, a great deal of humility needs to be employed to not only discover this flaw, but to correct it. It could mean a long fall from the top, but some people need a fall to build themselves up stronger than they were before. Maybe this false self-perception is bringing more misery than strength, like it was for me. My false self-perception was in my talent. I've always been told that I was a talented writer, and while I still believe I have a keen ability to pick up on story-strings, I am not the most eloquent writer out there. I also am not a talented film maker. Now it is time for me to build myself up and get out of my zombie world.